You Can Negotiate Anything by Herb Cohen

Author:Herb Cohen [Cohen, Herb]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Kensington
Published: 2019-01-29T00:00:00+00:00

Maybe this sketch is somewhat melodramatic, but the tactic is easily recognizable as giving guilt. In The Two-Thousand-Year-Old Man, Mel Brooks does a great caricature of the use of guilt. He has a mother and father trudge through the rain to visit their son’s cave. Upon arrival, they are warmly greeted and invited inside. But they meekly stand outside, saying, “It’s okay. It’s good enough for us to stand in the rain. We don’t mind.”

The bestowal of guilt occurs in close relationships, but it also is used beyond the circle of friends and family. Have you ever asked your boss for a raise and heard him respond, “You think you’ve got a complaint, let me tell you about the cross I have to bear”? Whatever the injustice of your case, his grievances with top management make yours pale by comparison. You have just been one-upped. When you leave the martyr’s presence you feel selfish for even bothering him with your petty complaint.

Why do people use these emotional maneuvers? Because they work! They succeed if we don’t recognize what’s really happening. We say to ourselves, “Oh, that’s just the way he or she is. They can’t help it.” As if they were born with a manipulative chromosome. Certainly most people do not plan to stage these ploys. They unconsciously revert to successful proven techniques to maintain the upper hand. Yet there are some who use compassion and guilt as part of their regular repertoire.

I once heard about an office products salesman who perfected an emotional tactic to a virtual science. When making his sales calls he kept a running stop watch in the left pocket of his shirt, under his suit jacket. This congenial seller spoke virtually nonstop from the time he got in the door. When he sensed he was losing the potential sale, he would stand up and approach the customer, ostensibly to say goodbye. Looking downcast and depressed he would pause during a prolonged handshake.

Because of their close proximity and the prevailing silence, the prospective customer could now hear a slight clicking sound, “Tic-tic-tic-tic.” Hearing the ticking, the customer would usually say, “What’s that noise?”

After pretending surprise, the seller would tap his heart and say, “Oh, it’s only my pacemaker. By the way, might I disturb you for a glass of water?” From what I heard, he always got the water and usually made the sale thereafter. The person who told me this story was one of the victims of this tactic. As he put it, “It was a hole puncher, a stapler, and a calculator later before I realized that pacemakers don’t make noise.”

Most of us would question this behavior on ethical grounds. I present it not to be copied or condoned, but to be understood. Yet when the guilt tactic is modified to eliminate the obvious lie and is used in the service of high ideals, it is often applauded.

Mahatma Gandhi is generally revered as a practitioner of nonviolence, but his tactical means were just a variation of the old guilt ploy.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.